ADOPTION AND ACHE

We went to a Friends of Adoption meeting this Monday at a local synagogue.  The group was not quite what I had expected.  In my fantasy, I envisioned lots of kids of all ages and ethnicities playing with one another and the adults sort of mingling, getting to know each other or catching up.  What the meeting turned out to be was a nice mix of people who have had all kinds of experiences with adoption, ranging from open adoptions to semi-open to embryo adoptions.  Only one couple brought a child, but many brought pictures or letters.  Also present were several couples trying adoption on for the first time.  They came prepared with questions and pads of paper upon which they furiously scribbled notes.  There were three couples (counting us) who were waiting to be matched.  It was roughly a two hour meeting that was just sort of a discussion-question-and-answer type circle.  The woman who conducted our home study actually led the discussion - a nice surprise - and topics ranged from how to afford adoption to interstate issues to crazy family members to over-priced lawyers and so on and so on.  

I can't even put into words how ready I am to be a mother.  The desire fills my lungs and travels through my blood, finding every inch of my body, every extremity.  At times, it feels as though the pain not only beats in my heart, but it aches in my eyes, my hands.  I think they are aching to behold and hold my baby.  Babies.  Life.  Family.  Love.   

Lacking the child to care for, I find myself over-nurturing our pets.  Hence, they are enormous.  They are spoiled.  They walk all over me.  They sleep all over me.  But, you know, it's what I've got for now, and I love my little fuzzy ones.