Sunday, January 4, 2009

2009 GOAL #2 - SCRATCH THAT - GOAL #3

I've already written about my second goal which is to finish quilting the baby blanket my neighbor got me started on.  You can read about it here.  Even though I have no baby nor am I expecting, nor have I heard anything from our adoption agency or lawyer, I am still trying to stay positive.  It's so easy for me to fall into a well of depression - especially when loved ones ask (because they care) if we have any news to share and I still have no news to share.  I guess working on the quilt will keep me upbeat?  I honestly haven't worked on it for weeks.  Probably because I get depressed about my current lack of baby prospects when I pick it up and realize that there still is NO BABY.  God, maybe I don't know what the purpose of the quilt is.  It's currently sitting in a bag in dozens of pieces beside my oversized purple chair.  I think that maybe deep down the reason that I made the completion of this quilt a goal for this year is because that would mean that we have a baby on the way.  Right now, there is NO BABY on the way.  I just get that queasy feeling in my stomach when I think about the fact that there actually is NO BABY to receive the blanket.  It's the same kind of emptiness I feel when I walk past the empty nursery.


So my third goal for 2009 is to create a time capsule.  I got the idea from a fellow infertile blogger a few weeks ago.  She does a much better job of discussing it than I ever could.  You can read about it and get instructions on building one for yourself here.  I think that this project holds the same kind of hope for me that the quilt holds.  I hope that in ten years, I will open up the time capsule and remember the very different me from the past - the now me.  The me that isn't a mother.  Because in ten years I will have been a mother for ten years, right?  I will have a child in fourth grade, right?  Right?

Oh God, please let this be the year that Kevin and I are made parents.  Please...

4 comments:

Michelle said...

I think the time capsule is a great idea. I am going to try that. Thanks for sharing.

allyouwhohope said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. Wow, we have a lot in common.. PCOS, endometriosis AND sewing! I can't wait to read more of your blog!

armyadamsgirl said...

i so love the time capsule idea!!! that is amazing!!!

Lori said...

I think this is a wonderful idea. It allows you to time travel, in a sense, and also shift your perspective.

May 2009 bring you your heart's desires.

 
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