Since our convalidation last weekend, people have been asking me if I feel different. I'm pretty sure they are expecting me to say yes. That somehow having a priest bless our rings and our saying vows in God's house this time is supposed to make me feel different. My husband said he felt different. But I honestly don't feel any different. How am I supposed to feel different? Should I be happier? Should I suddenly feel as though I'm not living in sin? Should I feel less stress in my life? Should I have more hope now that God will give us a baby? Maybe I haven't fully considered the magnitude of celebrating this sacrament. I don't know. I'm so confused. I feel like God has always been approving of our marriage. Then again, maybe I've been kidding myself this whole time. After all, I am barren.
3 hours ago
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I don't necessarily feeling different after we got married. People always asked, "how is married life?" To me, our relationship was the same! You can't blame yourself for your infertility!
I'm visiting you after your visit to me earlier today (IF rocks! blog). This is my feeling with God's Will, since I have so many times tried to figure out what the heck God wanted for me and why it seemed He let me suffer for so long:
If God didn't want me to be a mother, he would remove that desire from my heart.
If you still yearn to be a mother, then God must be wanting it as well. Now, it's just trying to figure out how.
ICLW!
We were married in a Methodist church (despite DH being Catholic, I’m nothing really). We’ve considered having our marriage recognized by the catholic church and I’ve wondered some of the same things you have. But considering some small sampling if the less than “qualified” (to say the least) super fertile poppin’ ‘em out when they aren’t married/on drugs/child abusers/etc population... I can’t help but feel that god has turned a blind eye to us on this one... I hope I’m wrong.
ICLW
I agree with infertilityrocks, if the desire is in your heart, then you're meant to be a mom. I honestly don't think you were punished because you and your husband didn't get married in a Catholic church. I hope you have a great day!
*ICLW*
I am not Catholic, so please forgive me for not understanding. If God exists everywhere, then can't you say your vows anywhere in His presence?
He is NOT punishing you for not getting married in a specific church. I bet, however, that He is using this journey to bring you to the place He wants you to be.
(As He is for all of us, though sometimes it is VERY hard to see. I get frustrated and impatient too!)
I can see how confusing it could be in your shoes. As a Christian, I believe that you and Kevin are blessed and received God's blessing because after all you are still together after all you've been through. My non-Catholic (but one that has a huge respect/love for the Catholic Church) self though is going to tell you not to dwell on it - You were married. You have a strong relationship, so much so that you have renewed your vows in front of God in His church. Going through the covalidation shouldn't make you necessarily feel different. It should not change your barren status. There are a gazillion children born outside of marriage and/or The Church...I don't think God uses superferlity or infertility to teach us lessons. He cares about us, He loves us, He cares about our soul. He cares about the souls of your future children. He cares about the eternal. But, your body is of this earth, and because it's of this earth it's flawed. We're all flawed, just in different ways. I think the two are aspects that are completely seperate and unrelated.
Anyway, stay strong my dear. I hope your barren status changes REAL soon.
Hello, thanks for my comment from ICLW. I know what you mean, people kept asking if I felt different after getting married. I honestly didnt, I just felt very content within.
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I love the pics. It's ok if you don't feel any different, I know when we got married I didn't feel any different.
~Colleen (cyberrblue.wordpress.com)
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